How do you care for someone who has cancer?

It seems that when "tragedy" hits, our hearts really go out to the "victim." In my case, lymphoma is mostly inconvenient, but it's still cancer. Now that I'm a few weeks into it, with just one chemo treatment under my belt, I'm trying to capture tips for my friends who want to come alongside and help me through it. Tips I'll need to remember when it's my turn to come alongside others when hard times hit.

In no particular order, but numbered for convenience:

1. Treat me like a human. I still am. I don't think I'm contageous. Thankfully, this hasn't really been an issue with my friends. But for children around me, I think I represent a cause for fear.

2. Do tell me you're praying for me (if you are). It's like a piece of candy to the soul. I love God, and I really feel like He loves me, a real nobody. I don't know how our prayers influence Him in His perfect care for us, but I'm convinced that it's part of His kindness to both me and you. When you say you're praying, that gives us a chance to converse about God and His activity in the world, in my life and yours.

3. If you're a co-worker, take me out to lunch, your treat. On my first day back from treatments, I don't feel like much, but I enjoy eating out. It would be a real treat for you to buy for me.

4. Believe me when I say I'm fine. I'll be honest with you. Life's too precious to go around faking things, you know? Just because it's cancer doesn't mean I'm going to die. I'm resting with God and trusting in the care of the doctors, who say I'll be fine.

5. Pace yourself. Early on, I had a lot to deal with, and a tidal wave of "anything I can do, let me know". I suspect that people will eventually forget about me. You know why I'm not asking when you offer "anything I can do, let me know?" It's because I can do most things. And the things I can't are difficult or time-consuming or otherwise very undesirable. But who knows, I may become disabled and need you to do hard things--work on the car, in the attic, laundry,...

7. Be my friend on facebook. That's the easiest way for me to keep you up to date. And I encourage you to post as you have good ideas. Be yourself. If you're motherly, then mother. If you're a joker, then joke. I treasure your thoughtful attention.

8. Call me when you want. Like you, I have caller ID and an answering machine. Don't worry about inconveniencing me. If I can't/don't want to answer the phone right now, please leave a message. I'll probably listen to it several times.

9. Don't shake hands...but do touch. Because germs are a real problem for me while I'm on chemo, please don't cough or sneeze or throw up on me either. The doctor said not to shake hands, and I really hate the distance that causes. I'd think a slap on the back or a touch on the arm would be fine, though.