I've learned to give myself shots in my abdomen. It's a daily injection of filgrastim (Neupogen) for the next few days to stimulate my bones to increase stem cell production. After four days of shots, the lab reported that I have great white blood cells, but the stem cell level is "undetectable."
Turns out a low (even undetectable) stem cell count is normal for people who have had lots of chemotherapy like I have had. The doctors anticipated this, so I'll go to the hospital tonight at 9:30 p.m. (!) to get another drug called Mozabil. Mozabil is supposed to make the stem cells "slippery," whatever that means. The appointment is at 9:30 because of the drug's timing. They'll hook me up to the apheresis machine at 8:30 tomorrow morning and begin the stem cell collection process when the Mozabil effect is at its peak. Of course, I still have to give myself the Neupogen shots.
Prayer point: I pray that they'll collect enough over the next two or three days to make the stem cell transplant viable. If not, it's on to Plan C. Stay tuned. God is faithful (1 Corinthians 10:13).
It seems that, to everyone I talk to, is the idea that getting these new stem cells into my system is what will cure me of lymphoma. That's not it at all. As one doctor put it, it's really "a high dose of chemotherapy, followed by a stem cell rescue." That is, the stem cell transplant (called "autologous" because I'm having my own stem cells transplanted back to myself) is done to save my life after the high dose chemotherapy wipes out the lymphoma and takes my whole immune system with it. They'll give me back my stem cells in order to restart my immune system so I won't die from catching a cold.
We met the radiation oncologist and learned a new twist in my treatment plan. I'll be receiving radiation five days a week for about four weeks before they do the stem cell transplant. There's only one chemo resistant spot that needs attention, so they're going to blast it to smithereens with radiation. Because of where the spot is, that radiation will be hitting other cool things like my spinal cord, stomach, kidney, pancreas, bowel, ribs. The doctor said that they'll be careful to minimize impact on the other areas, but that I'll likely lose about a third of my kidney function in one kidney. Thankfully, God gave me two healthy kidneys, so I'll likely chug along with no noticeable difference in kidney function. (Did you know kidneys regulate blood pressure??)
Prayer point: Nine weeks of treatments in Nashville! Four for radiation, five for the next phase of the stem cell transplant. That's a lot of time away from home and away from work (though I should be able to telecommute). It'll be quite a challenge to help Leilani run the household and take care of the kids. We all have a lot of growing up to do through this.
I have a CT scan scheduled for tomorrow afternoon so the radiation team can put together the treatment plan. I don't yet know when that will start. Maybe Monday? Stay tuned.
Prayer point: It may eventually come to the point in the next few years where I need stem cells from someone else. Would you consider becoming a stem cell donor? It's an easy way to literally save someone's life. Check out http://www.marrow.org/DONOR/When_You_re_Asked_to_Donate_fo/Steps_of_Donation/index.html.
And now a word from our sponsor:
Psalm 139
A Psalm of David
1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
A Psalm of David
1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
My reflections
vv1-4 David's psalm is also my psalm. I feel like this journey has been part of God's searching of my soul.
The good news is, God is intimately familiar with what I'm going through, and the things that cause that sinking feeling, even before they happen.
vv5-12 And through it all, God is here! I'm guided and protected by my maker.
I cannot escape His care. I can't somehow accidentally leave Him behind. Neither my highest highs (when I feel invincible) nor living through my worst nightmares don't separate me from Him. He leads me. He holds me. He holds me! [Oh, that I would be filled with this truth!]
vv13-16 My body was specially designed by God, lymphoma and all. And it's all for His glory (John 9:3). [BTW, "the lowest parts of the earth" (v15) is a metaphor for the womb (v. 13), which, in David's day, was a dark, mysterious, unreachable place.]
God has personally crafted my days for me, even before I was born.
It's great to know that God is with me, thinking about me with innumerable thoughts. I can sleep soundly, knowing that when I wake up, God's presence is not merely a dream. We (He and I) really are going through this thing together.
[vv19-22: It's easy, when you're zealous for God, to resent those who hate Him. Despite David's sentiment, God has proven that His patient love gives even His enemies hope, if they will but submit to Him (2Peter 3:9).]
v23: As for me, I lay myself open and vulnerable to God. I invite His purifying gaze into my life to root out my wickedness, and I crave and submit to His leadership for my life.
Dear reader, if you've stuck it out this far, my prayer for you is that of Hebrews 13:20-21:
Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ...make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
[And now off to my 9:30pm appointment.]
vv1-4 David's psalm is also my psalm. I feel like this journey has been part of God's searching of my soul.
The good news is, God is intimately familiar with what I'm going through, and the things that cause that sinking feeling, even before they happen.
vv5-12 And through it all, God is here! I'm guided and protected by my maker.
I cannot escape His care. I can't somehow accidentally leave Him behind. Neither my highest highs (when I feel invincible) nor living through my worst nightmares don't separate me from Him. He leads me. He holds me. He holds me! [Oh, that I would be filled with this truth!]
vv13-16 My body was specially designed by God, lymphoma and all. And it's all for His glory (John 9:3). [BTW, "the lowest parts of the earth" (v15) is a metaphor for the womb (v. 13), which, in David's day, was a dark, mysterious, unreachable place.]
God has personally crafted my days for me, even before I was born.
It's great to know that God is with me, thinking about me with innumerable thoughts. I can sleep soundly, knowing that when I wake up, God's presence is not merely a dream. We (He and I) really are going through this thing together.
[vv19-22: It's easy, when you're zealous for God, to resent those who hate Him. Despite David's sentiment, God has proven that His patient love gives even His enemies hope, if they will but submit to Him (2Peter 3:9).]
v23: As for me, I lay myself open and vulnerable to God. I invite His purifying gaze into my life to root out my wickedness, and I crave and submit to His leadership for my life.
Dear reader, if you've stuck it out this far, my prayer for you is that of Hebrews 13:20-21:
Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ...make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
[And now off to my 9:30pm appointment.]
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